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Red​-​Handed Puppet

from There is No Light Without the Dark by The Stan Laurels

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about

"Red-Handed Puppet" is a completely hypothetical tale of an utterly absurd premise: what would happen if a toddler Muppet suddenly and accidentally found himself to be the President of the United States of America? It's such a ridiculous notion and so far off base of what could ever happen in real life ... I mean, the very idea is so laughably ludicrous that it could practically be a Weird Al song. Listen to the lyrics carefully and just be extremely thankful that this did not happen and of course never, ever could. Musically, in the outro when everything builds upon itself, various melodies being added with each few measures, intertwining with each other, I had this entire section in my head waking up one morning - the chording and each individual separate overlapping melody. I had to rush to record a rough draft of it immediately so I wouldn't forget it; I'm glad I got it down because I think it provides a good basis for the vocal melody and chord progression during verses. I really dig this song musically (OK, lyrically, too) because it is another non-standard song structure and offers up a lot of sweet melodies, good variety with a little heaviness along with the lightness, and hopefully a bit of humor, which we could always use.

lyrics

What do we do with Elmo?
He snuck into the White House - oh, no!
His tantrums are utterly untoward
And now he's the leader of the free world

He's still wearing diapers at bedtime
He only reads books if they rhyme
He chows down on Happy Meals
And if he doesn't like the prize, he squeals

He blurts whatever dumb thing comes to mind
Like any toddler Muppet, he's unrefined
He uses both tiny hands to sip his drink
It's possible that he's the missing link
And we've been hoodwinked
Now we're on the brink
Of the end of humankind

What do we do with Elmo?
His tennis shoes all have Velcro
His brain is in permanent slow-mo
Should we let him engage publicly? Hell no!

He gets his daily talking points from Fox
Then he can have goldfish and a juice box
It's hard for him to say words like Yosemite
But he makes up cool words like Covfefe

He's been around for a while, truth be told
But somehow he's still 3 years old
I'll never understand
How he gets away with red hands

He suggests disinfectant by injection
And he's proud of high infections
The truth can sometimes sting:
Kids say the darnedest things

credits

from There is No Light Without the Dark, released January 23, 2021

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The Stan Laurels Austin

The Beatles, Breeders, Zombies, Kinks, Cars, and Debussy make up just some of the layers of the Warhol-esque sonic power-pop art painting that is The Stan Laurels, the musical creation of earthling Sound Scientist John Lathrop of Austin, TX, USA.

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